"...We shall not cease from our explorations and the end result of our exploring shall be that we return home and know the place for the very first time." T. S. Eliot
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I had a very interesting experience last week as I attended a parapsychology study group. I learned the limits of where I will, and won't go in my spiritual journey. I also Iearned that, even though my view of my spiritual home has changed tremendously, what was home is still home.
In the process of exploring anomalies, parapsychology, meditation and spiritual/metaphysical topics, I have travelled a lot of interesting paths. They have taken me through some interesting terrain, exploring various areas of consciousness studies and comparative religion. In the process I have explored the practices and traditions of a number of different faiths. I have tried to be fully open to the beliefs of others and intend to remain so. I have been exposed to Hindu and Buddhist teachings, to neo-pagan thought as well as shamanic and indigenous beliefs, and many others. There is an infinity of truths in each.
Several times, in studying and learning some particular tradition, I have found the road beckoned me to commit to that belief. A few years ago, while studying Vedic meditation, I found that the work had begun to develop more of a religious overtone. To pursue it would mean some type of allegiance to a new religion. While I find many of the Vedic teachings both attractive and fascinating, and Hinduism is a beautiful religion, it is not my religion. So ultimately, I parted ways with that school and eventually found another. One thing I have realized is that there is a line beyond which I won't go, a dotted line on which I won't sign.
Similarly, I had a recent experience in a psychic study group I attend, and in which I have many dear friends. In this particular group, we have explored a lot of different ESP techniques and in a recent meeting, they decided they will do some experimenting with neo-pagan magic and spells. To me, this requires commitment to a particular belief, signing on a dotted line of allegiance to a tradition that is arguably not compatible with my own. While I fully respect the journeys and beliefs of others, and while I still intend to remain active in the group, that particular experiment will have to go on without me.
I have studied neo-pagan beliefs, yet for all the truths I find in them, it is not my belief system. I have studied meditation with its roots deep in the Vedic traditions, yet that is not my religion. I have studied shamanism and indigenous spirituality - and in this, too, I find countless truths. Yet this is not my home faith, either.
We can explore and understand. But in the end, what do we identify with? For me, it has been the Christianity I grew up with - tempered with whatever I have learned during forays into the outside world. T.S.Elliot's words ring true deep within my heart, to explore and return home, and know the place for the very first time.
For me, this has been an ultimate truth - that the more I travel a spiritual path out in the metaphysical and theological universe, the more I discover about my own beliefs. I have learned much by studying elements of Judaism, Buddhism, History, Astrology, etc. I am fascinated with the tantalizing glimpses of Eastern thought in early Christianity - how the teachings of Jesus and the teachings of Buddha look so similar. It has been a fascinating road, and the travels are just beginning.
Yet, during my travels, I still find myself returning home every so often. There is the familiar feel, the warmth of the open arms of my present-day parish, the traditional beliefs that both support and restrict. While spiritual wanderlust soon comes again, for a moment it is the fires of home that burn. Then I am off again.
Like a visitor in another country, I find myself fascinated, wide eyed at the wonders of the Universe. So many truths, so many ways to understand, so many roads to travel. Yet there are also falsehoods and dead ends, perhaps even perils. Every so often, discernment is the order of the day. And when the day is done, I hope I will have learned something new.
An itinerant explorer, I find many temporary homes, yet I'm not a citizen there. While learning the truths of many faiths, I don't feel as if I could swear allegiance in the strange land. I will always be a visitor, at home there for awhile, then moving on.
In the end, I hope I can bring some of those truths back with me, to once again return home and know the place for the very first time.
