Raymond

My Dad passed away early this morning. I had not been all that close to him in recent years . Now, in the last few days as I sat holding his hand in the nursing home, I realized again how much of my life he was, still is and always will be. He and I had drifted apart over the years. And yet I have always realized how his blood flows through my veins. In so many ways, he and I are one.

An amusing moment happened a number of years ago. At that time, he was heavily into playing clarinet in the Shrine band in Madison, WI. They played in a lot of parades, fairs and other festivities. This apparently included the circus and in those years, he became very interested in the circus world. Like me, when he got interested in something, he took a swan dive into the topic. More than a few times he joked about running away with the circus - at least that's the way Mom would paraphrase it. One time this topic came up in the presence of Gwyn and I. Afterwards, Gwyn looked at me, smiled and said, "now I see where you're coming from..."  

He didn't "run away with the circus" but he did do a great job of making a business run. He played with the shrine band for many years. He was active in the Masons, and he always held that deep interest in the circus - or in something like that. He was a man of dreams and plans and if the dream was the right one, he was one who got it done.

Raymond Lang was a strong, determined man. His stubbornness became my stubbornness. His determination became my determination. His unwillingness to give up became my unwillingness to give up. And his ability to get things done was a life lesson that went far toward making me the person I am today. He inspired me to pursue a career in engineering. Even as he taught me to never give up, he also taught me to look beyond the present - to "join the circus" and pursue your dreams. He taught me to look beyond life's present-day difficulties to what might be in the future.

Ray was a tinkerer and a builder and I shared this with him all my life. That blood flows in my veins now as I work on new business ventures, develop software, healing technology, conduct anomaly research, and many other pursuits. He was by my side all through childhood as I experimented with rockets, telescopes, microscopes, ham radio, and the list goes on. Yet he was always the realistic one. While, as one dear friend of mine stated, I got my 'altitude' from my mother, my father held me to Earth. He kept me anchored as I delved deeply into my interests in science, space, science fiction, and ultimately spirituality, UFOs and ET contact.

I always marveled at how he could lovingly tell me to get my head out of the clouds. Even in later years, he thought my book on alien abduction "was BS". Indeed, he was often critical yet always supporting. Whether he agreed with me or not, he stood by me through all of life's adventures, always behind me, or beside me. He loved and nurtured me in ways that it has taken me a lifetime to appreciate. He was my father, and I was his son.

Raymond H Lang Jr. was the one who taught me to get things done, to carry out the business of life. Later, when my road has gotten tough, in college, in my career and now in my business, his lessons, his savvy and his stubbornness has carried me through. During college, one of my engineering professors uttered words that have rung in my ears ever since, "you'll never make it". That memory has always stuck with me and annoyed me to no end. If I ever thought of quitting something, the voice of professor Greenfield would sound in my ear. Then pure stubbornness would take over. Now as I look back on it, one of the best decisions I ever made was to continue in engineering school. His blood flows in my veins and his stubbornness and determination run through my temperament. It has guided me to success in so many areas of my life

While strong, savvy and stubborn, he was always a gentle, loving man. Many of my earliest childhood memories revolve around sitting on his lap in the evenings as he read to me - probably from the same children's book for the millionth time. I can still smell the shaving lotion he wore. I can still hear his voice as he read something like Dr. Seuss to me, again and again. His deep gentle voice gave me what every child needs, safety, security and wonder - and the absolute certainty that I was deeply and truly loved. This man was my father.

He loved Mom dearly. A few years ago, less than a year before Mom passed away, Gwyn and I saw the two of them walking hand in hand on a summer night. This was a couple who had been completely in love for over fifty years. It was an inspiration to us, a lesson in how to make a marriage work. Even when the going gets rough, it reminds me how love, understanding, and sometimes determination are needed to keep marriage on track. And watching the two of them holding hands on that evening, I realized more than I ever have, what life-long love really was.

He was a savvy business leader, a practical engineer and a loving family man. He was the man whose blood flows in my veins. He is the man who led me to become who I am today. A big part of my life passed away early this morning. His name was Raymond Lang and he was my father.

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A brief conversation with Myrtle

The last few days have been powerful in many ways. They have been trying, emotional and interesting. They have taken my life in a way I wouldn't have imagined even a few days before. The driver of all of this is that my father is extremely ill with heart failure. It is likely that he won't be with us too much longer. As such, I cleared my calendar, put my business and many other aspects of my life on the shelf to join my family, spending time sitting with him in the hospital and nursing home.

This afternoon, I spent quite a bit of time doing just that. But for each of us, hunger calls. So I asked one of the nursing assistants on that floor of the care home where I could find a cafeteria. To my surprise, she not only told me but showed me exactly where it was as she walked with me across the entire rather lengthy senior care complex. Eventually we came to what I expected to be a cafeteria. In actuality it was a sit-down restaurant.

This was late in the afternoon, well between meal times so there were few to no other people in the restaurant. The attendant at the restaurant ushered me to a table and took my order, then headed for the kitchen. A few seconds later another of the staff came out with my coke as I waited. \

While waiting, I was chatting on-line with a couple of friends. It was a change of pace from - well, from sitting there holding my dad's hand. As I was typing a text message on facebook messenger, my thoughts were suddenly interrupted with a question. On the other side of the divider separating the restaurant from the lobby/hallway, a woman's voice asked me, "Is it dinner time already?"

I looked around to see a pleasant looking lady, quite senior, but less so than most of those I had seen here. I asked her what she meant, to which she replied that she wondered if I was there for the dinner hour (mercifully, I don't think she thought I was a resident). I explained that I had just stopped there for a late lunch (it was nearly 3PM). She asked me if I was one of the staff, and I explained that I was visiting my father who was in the recuperative care area of the facility. 

I saw a name tag attached to a rather fine necklace. Her name was Myrtle. Myrtle was probably in her mid 80s. She was well dressed, and was clearly eager to let people know she was still conversational, and was quite ready to talk with anyone she could. She stood comfortably on the other side of the divider and seemed to get around without assistance. She did not have a cane or walker.

She explained that she lived in the independent living apartments attached to the facility. She was from South Dakota but had come here because her family now all lived here. I introduced myself and told her I was from Minneapolis, but that I had grown up in Madison. She also told me she had traveled quite a bit and now she and her husband lived in a place where they no longer needed to keep up their house. Now they could just travel as they pleased, which seemed to be quite a bit.

A short time later, a man I assume to be her husband appeared through the doorway opposite the restaurant. He also looked healthy, and was about her same age. She waved and I said thank you for introducing herself to me. She turned and walked away.

Meeting Myrtle was one of those brief moments that make you think. Her world is so different from mine. Her life is still one of adventure - or at least one of travel. While she lives in a senior care facility, she did not appear to be of declining health herself. Yet she seemed to need someone new with whom she could carry on a conversation, however brief.

Was she lonely? Was she simply a friendly soul? How much else was there to her story? What she told me in our brief conversation was that she was quite well traveled. I wonder how many adventures she held in her memory. I suspect we had merely scratched the surface of her life story. I would bet that she had seen a lot in the years of her life.Were they positive? How much other-than-positive had she experienced? In the little time we had talked, I had gotten the impression that there was far more to this lady. And as she walked away, I wondered how many other seniors in the care home had stories to tell that were just as varied. What a treasure of life experiences must lay in the myriad of beds throughout this - and many other - facilities.

I think of efforts like the "Greatest Generation Project" trying to document as much as possible of the life stories of the generation that fought World War II. I think of the many families that may or may not have captured that history before Grandpa and Grandma passed on. And I think of the stories my dad told my brother and I when Gwyn and I visited Madison at Christmas time. He told me more of how he met my mom. He talked about his experiences during the war (he worked on the home front as a draftsman at a company making rocket fins). What a different life they lived. How different their perspective was from what we know today. There were a zillion unasked questions, all arising in my mind too late to take their place in our conversation.

As this woman walked away, I returned to my on-line chat. Our conversation receded into my memory, not awakening until a few hours later when the ideas for this article began to take shape. A million questions, a zillion imagined scenarios. And they were all sparked by that one moment - that brief conversation with Myrtle.
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Goals, questions and organic realities

Last night, when I attended the Holistic Chamber of MN, I had an interesting experience.

The person speaking was talking about setting goals, where do you want your business to go in 2016. That is quite an exercise for me at the moment, as I'm at somewhat of a crossroads. But even more interesting than that was a comment by one of the people at my table. She indicated that she felt goal setting such as we were doing in this exercise was actually limiting. As we talked, she made some rather interesting points.

The core of her argument was that most of the goal setting exercises are top down. They are traditional general-to-specific stepwise refinements of an overall concept. My friend's comments was that this is quite linear, rationalistic, cause-and-effect, present-to-future reasoning. In her view, instead of expanding your vision, this exercise actually limited it. Rather than coming from the subconscious, these goals come from the rational mind.

My friend observed that that goals set in these top-down exercises don't typically last very long. Furthermore, the Universe has a way of throwing curveballs at us. Call them karma, life lessons, or anything else, but the world is an unpredictable place. Setting goals top down can be less flexible than might be needed in our topsy-turvy life and times.

I have found that this top-level vision tends to be the sticking point with many people I know. In fact many people don't know what they want - at least in the rational mind. There are also influences from family, the boss, last year's business plan, etc. So the top down vision tends to be very skewed by what you 'should' want, instead of what you truly want at your innermost core.

Instead, perhaps we need to envision a future from the bottom up. What if instead, we can grow that future organically, and feel that reality. Then perhaps that future will take its place as a future reality. Perhaps then it will more closely match what our passion is.

In hypnosis, I've done this with a number of clients. Inviting them to be a one or two years into their future, I have asked them to describe their surroundings. Starting with the most primitive, I have asked them questions like are you inside or outside? Are you alone or is there someone with you? Is the location bright, or is it more dark? Are you standing, sitting or lying down. The key here is to establish a deep emotional association to that future reality. Then we can build from there.

Once we have that basic reality established we can begin to look at some more sophisticated  questions. What does your office look like? How often are you in it? What is your relationship with other people, both in and out of the office? 

Then we can ask What is happening now? Just as if we were doing hypnotic regression, I ask the client to continue, allowing the clock to move forward. What is occurring? What is the feeling behind whatever is going on now? (hint, it should be enjoyment or passion for what is occurring, otherwise we are not in that ideal future reality).

Once we have established the details of this future reality, we can ask what the most important aspects of this reality are. What is it about this future place/time is the most wonderful? When do you feel that passion? What helps you feel the most reward? What is it about this reality that is most important?

Once we know that, we can ask what the changes were that helped bring that reality about. What was the road you traveled from the present day into that future reality? What did you have to do to travel that road. What were some of the challenges you had to overcome to reach that reality? And finally, what was the first step you took from the present day to get you down that road? 

This is where I typically team up with a life or business coach. It is important to revisit this vision, and this road on a regular basis. And in that, perhaps the road less traveled can become the road that leads to a future, passionate reality, one grown bottom-up from the fabric of consciousness, rather than prescribed from the top down. 

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