Saturday, January 23, 2016

Raymond

My Dad passed away early this morning. I had not been all that close to him in recent years . Now, in the last few days as I sat holding his hand in the nursing home, I realized again how much of my life he was, still is and always will be. He and I had drifted apart over the years. And yet I have always realized how his blood flows through my veins. In so many ways, he and I are one.

An amusing moment happened a number of years ago. At that time, he was heavily into playing clarinet in the Shrine band in Madison, WI. They played in a lot of parades, fairs and other festivities. This apparently included the circus and in those years, he became very interested in the circus world. Like me, when he got interested in something, he took a swan dive into the topic. More than a few times he joked about running away with the circus - at least that's the way Mom would paraphrase it. One time this topic came up in the presence of Gwyn and I. Afterwards, Gwyn looked at me, smiled and said, "now I see where you're coming from..."  

He didn't "run away with the circus" but he did do a great job of making a business run. He played with the shrine band for many years. He was active in the Masons, and he always held that deep interest in the circus - or in something like that. He was a man of dreams and plans and if the dream was the right one, he was one who got it done.

Raymond Lang was a strong, determined man. His stubbornness became my stubbornness. His determination became my determination. His unwillingness to give up became my unwillingness to give up. And his ability to get things done was a life lesson that went far toward making me the person I am today. He inspired me to pursue a career in engineering. Even as he taught me to never give up, he also taught me to look beyond the present - to "join the circus" and pursue your dreams. He taught me to look beyond life's present-day difficulties to what might be in the future.

Ray was a tinkerer and a builder and I shared this with him all my life. That blood flows in my veins now as I work on new business ventures, develop software, healing technology, conduct anomaly research, and many other pursuits. He was by my side all through childhood as I experimented with rockets, telescopes, microscopes, ham radio, and the list goes on. Yet he was always the realistic one. While, as one dear friend of mine stated, I got my 'altitude' from my mother, my father held me to Earth. He kept me anchored as I delved deeply into my interests in science, space, science fiction, and ultimately spirituality, UFOs and ET contact.

I always marveled at how he could lovingly tell me to get my head out of the clouds. Even in later years, he thought my book on alien abduction "was BS". Indeed, he was often critical yet always supporting. Whether he agreed with me or not, he stood by me through all of life's adventures, always behind me, or beside me. He loved and nurtured me in ways that it has taken me a lifetime to appreciate. He was my father, and I was his son.

Raymond H Lang Jr. was the one who taught me to get things done, to carry out the business of life. Later, when my road has gotten tough, in college, in my career and now in my business, his lessons, his savvy and his stubbornness has carried me through. During college, one of my engineering professors uttered words that have rung in my ears ever since, "you'll never make it". That memory has always stuck with me and annoyed me to no end. If I ever thought of quitting something, the voice of professor Greenfield would sound in my ear. Then pure stubbornness would take over. Now as I look back on it, one of the best decisions I ever made was to continue in engineering school. His blood flows in my veins and his stubbornness and determination run through my temperament. It has guided me to success in so many areas of my life

While strong, savvy and stubborn, he was always a gentle, loving man. Many of my earliest childhood memories revolve around sitting on his lap in the evenings as he read to me - probably from the same children's book for the millionth time. I can still smell the shaving lotion he wore. I can still hear his voice as he read something like Dr. Seuss to me, again and again. His deep gentle voice gave me what every child needs, safety, security and wonder - and the absolute certainty that I was deeply and truly loved. This man was my father.

He loved Mom dearly. A few years ago, less than a year before Mom passed away, Gwyn and I saw the two of them walking hand in hand on a summer night. This was a couple who had been completely in love for over fifty years. It was an inspiration to us, a lesson in how to make a marriage work. Even when the going gets rough, it reminds me how love, understanding, and sometimes determination are needed to keep marriage on track. And watching the two of them holding hands on that evening, I realized more than I ever have, what life-long love really was.

He was a savvy business leader, a practical engineer and a loving family man. He was the man whose blood flows in my veins. He is the man who led me to become who I am today. A big part of my life passed away early this morning. His name was Raymond Lang and he was my father.

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