It's late on a chilly night in mid January. My wife has gone to bed and I am tired but not sleepy, so I'm sitting up late. I can hear the wind howl outside. It's cold and dark. I am alone.
For several weeks, I have felt pretty positive about how everything is going. Getting laid off from my day job has been an impromptu 'retirement' as I have found myself suddenly thrust into the freelance world. I have had a long list of things to do to get my business going. I have been busy 12 to 14 hours per day doing things like working on my website, writing, blogging, etc. I have felt really productive. It's been fun. But now, I'm getting done with the easy stuff. Now, the increasingly difficult stuff remains. The low hanging fruit is just about gone.
Suddenly, a lot of stuff has begun to close in on me. Today, instead of feeling like I was on an unexpected vacation, I began to feel like I was in the middle of a long haul challenge. I began to ask myself what the hell I am doing. The walls of the house began to feel close and confining, and I began to realize I have really gotten out very little and seen very few people in the last couple of weeks.
Today, the weather was crappy, cold and blustery with a few flakes of snow in the air. So it was a lot more difficult to simply go outside and take the dogs for a walk, much harder to get out of the house. And if I did, I really didn't have any place to go. Today, it hit me. I am between jobs.
Regardless of what the job is - at a chair and desk in a corporate cubicle, in a self-employed entrepreneurial role, or as a full time anomaly researcher, it is that time of transition. The previous thing has ended but the next thing hasn't yet begun. In my case, the next thing is launching my business, getting my hypnotherapy practice going. And that effort has only begun.
It is a time when one questions what they are doing. It is a time of close-in walls and darkness outside the window. It is a time of uncertainty and self doubt. It is late on a dark winter night.
I was warned that this time would eventually arrive. At some point, I would be alone in the gray world of January. Still, when it comes, one can never really be prepared. One simply has to forge ahead and do the next thing on the list.
Especially at this time, it is important to remember the lessons of mindfulness meditation - to focus on the present moment, to not dwell on the past or the future but concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other. It is vital to become the self-observer, to step back and dispassionately but mindfully observe the world - both internal and external.
This is when things grueling. Faith wears thin. At this moment it is important to remember the lessons taught during the easy times. It is important to take each day one day at a time as one trudges down the path through the winter chill.
It is a time in which one begins to feel and live the lessons, to experience the true meaning of the lessons in the dark of night.
