Then, early on in the meeting, he said something to me that knocked my socks off. He told me that he was going to "lay it on the line" about hypnosis - and presumably other forms of complimentary or alternative healing as well. He indicated he felt frightened by it. Without saying it in so many words, he appeared to consider me a purveyor of evil. While he said he thought I meant well and was passionate and dedicated to my healing work, it was clear to me that he considered me to somehow be misguided, deceived, etc. With a kick-off like that, I knew I had my work cut out for me if we were going to salvage any kind of business relationship.
I don't have any issues with anyone's political or religious beliefs, myself. I work on a daily basis with people of all faiths, political views, lifestyles, perspectives, etc. I respect each person's right to personal and spiritual growth. As long as one's beliefs - and the actions that arise from them - do not somehow impinge on another person's success or well being, I believe people are fully entitled to believe what they will. I don't think my friend thought the same way.
As the meeting went on, he grilled me about how I had gotten interested in hypnosis, digging in to the fact that I had been an anomaly researcher, speaker, etc. Having an idea of where he was going with that line of discussion, I told him that like him, I was a Christian. I believe in Jesus and follow Him as my own personal healer, teacher and redeemer. In turn, my friend told me that he believed the Bible was the sole authority, the literal verbatim word of God. While I believe the Holy Cannon is to be taken seriously, I believe it was written through history, perhaps under divine influence, but written over the space of several thousand years by human beings. It is a book about God, inspired by God, chronicling words and actions of God. It is a book of stories and lessons, wisdom and spiritual teaching that defines Christianity. But to me, it is NOT to be taken literally.
In contrast, my friend told me that Christianity - particularly literal, Biblical Christianity - was the only way. Any other way was anathema. And any beliefs that differed from that were (by extension) sinful, evil, heretical or whatever you wish [my interpretation]. At no time did he use an 'I believe' phrase in there. His was a statement of 'fact' (to me it says he has a lot of faith).
We talked some more, still amicably if a bit strained, and finished our discussion. At one point, he tried to sell me his product - NOT the purpose of a networking meeting. I told him I was not in the market for it but I knew others who might be. As we wrapped up our meeting, I asked him for referrals - which IS the purpose of a networking meeting. At that time, even though I had explained what hypnosis is and is not (and he appeared to understand) he turned around and told me he was not comfortable with hypnosis - so I would doubt if he would be likely to refer someone to a hypnotist.
To repeat my argument to him, hypnosis is NOT spiritual, although spirituality can be part of hypnosis, just like it can be part of any other activity in life. Hypnosis does NOT involve ceding of control - the client retains full conscious awareness and personal will/discernment at all times. Hypnosis is not magic - it is an ordinary property of the mind which you enter once every 90 minutes or so, and you experience spontaneously several times a day. We call it daydreaming, being in the groove, reading a novel, watching a movie, etc.
In short, hypnosis is nothing more than a state of focused attention. That's all. Period.
Unfortunately, I found that my friend was refractory to rational arguments. In spite of my explanations and assurances, he clung to the fear he held for what I do.
Unfortunately, I found that my friend was refractory to rational arguments. In spite of my explanations and assurances, he clung to the fear he held for what I do.
In doing a little research on the mechanics of belief rigidity, etc., I learned some very interesting things.
- Believing something in spite of rational evidence to the contrary is a sign of prior programming known as dogmatism.
- According to the Law of Consistency [Hogan, The Psychology of Persuasion, pp 53], even in the face of compelling evidence to the contrary, one will maintain a point of view once they have publicly stated belief in that point of view.
- Similarly, according to the Law of Conformity [Hogan pp 57], one will seek to maintain a view acceptable to their peer group.
- Fear based thinking is another response to ideas that seem to fly in the face of the conformity of belief. It is the view that "my belief is the right way. If you disagree with me, you are wrong and must be a threat." In a world of "us and them" you must be one of "them". The obvious result is fear of all those "others out there."
In retrospect, I saw all of these in the reactions of my friend. The fear was notably etched in his face. The rigidity of thought and conformity of belief were solidly entrenched in his voice.
While I still consider my friend to be a friend, I now know the bounds of that relationship. Unless a potential client is a Christian fundamentalist, I doubt the potential customer would be a good referral for my friend. On the other hand, if the person IS a Christian fundamentalist (and I do work with quite a few), my friend might be a person for them to work with. Would my friend refer someone to me? Only he knows that. And in that, he will have to trust his own conscience and divine guidance.
While I felt disappointment at my friend's words, attitudes, beliefs and reactions, I have to realize he is on his own life path. He will have to make his own discoveries. All things happen for a reason and that reason is God's alone to know. But in the meantime, life goes on in the world of belief, religion and business referrals.
