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A few days ago at a social
gathering, I found myself in a discussion on politics. I generally try to avoid
these but politics is everywhere and predictably, views on the topic ranged
widely. One person in particular had all of the answers, at least he thought
so. Others inevitably disagreed with him and each moment the discussion
continued, I could see him becoming increasingly agitated. Mercifully, that conversation
didn't last much longer, but it was fascinating to observe his mannerisms
during the discussion. As he encountered potential conflict, he started to
fidget, rub his fingertips together and began to stutter slightly. This
fascinating moment drove a simple idea home to me - how factors and emotions in
daily life drive our habits and behaviors.
Observing your fellow human beings,
it's easy to notice habit behaviors. You have them. I have them. They are part
of what make us human and they form the foundation of how we move through life.
Some habits are good, yet some can be detrimental, even toxic. So what is a
habit and how does it get started?
Habits are learned behavior at the
most fundamental subconscious level. According to the Wikipedia entry on habit
psychology [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Habit_(psychology)],
"A habit is a more or less fixed way of thinking, willing, or feeling
acquired through previous repetition of a mental experience." Wikipedia
further states that habituation is an extremely simple form of learning in
which one associates a response to an event or context in a nearly automatic or
unconscious manner.
Some habits are good - we can improve
our driving skills. It’s best to instinctively turn off the stove when you
finish cooking a meal or to look both ways before crossing a street. Other
habits are not so good, such as smoking, overeating, hair-pulling or
nail-biting. Generally, in life we try to deeply engrain positive habits,
calling it training or practicing. At the same time, we want to reduce or even
remove the negative habits - yet somehow, those annoying mannerisms often seem
to stick with us.
Most bad habits I have seen (and
probably a few I have myself) seem to occur during times of stress, passion or
enthusiasm. When our hormones get going, so do our automatic behaviors. The
more stressed we are, the more our habits come into play. Like my friend at the
party as the discussion grew more intense, behavior under stress grows
increasingly automatic.
Many times, I note how different
emotions and contexts seem to trigger different habits. For example, when we
talked about politics, my friend fidgeted. When another friend of mine gets a
cup of coffee, he lights up a cigarette. It's common to get the munchies while
watching a late night movie. Habitual responses are context dependent and each usually
has an underlying emotion. We can be happy, sad, stressed, frightened, in love,
aroused, there are an endless number of emotions, each triggering specific
behaviors in the mind/body.
In similar situations, I often
notice how emotions and responses tend to be similar. One might be annoyed when
a particular noise occurs, wherever it occurs. A smoker might want to light up
a cigarette when getting out of his/her car, or stepping out for a break at
work. As one experiences a particular context, unconscious programs influence
one's actions and responses for that context. The primitive brain - that deep
core of the central nervous system we share with the reptiles - learns these
behaviors instinctively, for better or for worse. And in the case of bad
habits, it is for the worse.
When helping clients quit smoking,
what do we need to do to prevent that nearly automatic desire to light up?
First and foremost, we need to find the environmental cues, the elements within
their world that triggers the instinctive response. So prior to beginning work
with a quit-smoking client, I ask the person to make a note of the
circumstances whenever they light a cigarette. What is going on in his/her
mind? What are his/her emotions? Are there any common threads among these
circumstances?
Similarly, I ask other
habit-removal clients to keep a note of times in which the behavior occurs.
What is going on when you pull your hair or bite your nails? What are your
emotions? What people are around you and how do you feel about those people?
The list goes on, but the idea is the same – we want to find whatever triggers
the behavior.
Once we understand the state of the
person's world, mind and/or emotions, we can begin to focus on how to clear the
undesired response. There are many ways to do this, but the simplest is basic
deprogramming or reconditioning. When in the situation, try NOT doing the
undesired behavior. Just once, go pour a cup of coffee without lighting up a
cigarette (yeah, I know, it isn't easy). Go to the buffet table and take only a
single egg roll. By breaking the habitual mold you begin to confuse the deeply
ingrained patterns that govern the habit. The more you do this, the more you
begin to break down the automatic response programming. With enough practice,
you can remove the habit and, if you’re consistent, you can even replace it
with a desired behavior.
Another way of deprogramming habits
involves waking suggestion techniques in Neuro Linguistic Programming or NLP.
NLP involves action, thought or language patterns that help the subconscious to
change more easily and decisively. Sales literature often employs NLP language patterns
such as "Imagine yourself in a new [model of car], today" - words
that invite the subconscious mind to create an image of the person liking this
car. Another might associate a negative word with the competition -
"Imagine [the competitor's product], like a car stuck in traffic - you
need to wait and wait, while [our product] is like a car in the fast
lane."
In quick habit-removal sessions, I
often invite the client to imagine their habit behavior, along with the
emotional response. Do they derive some immediate short-term pleasure from
overeating, smoking or the like? We associate a negative result (opposite of a
reward) with the behavior instead. I sometimes invite the smoker to picture a
lit cigarette and imagine a foul smell, associating stinky smells - garbage,
pollution, or worse - with cigarette smoke. Similarly, one might imagine an
unpleasant or distasteful object associated with cigarettes, something one
would not want to place in the mouth. The negative response counteracts the
positive reward - canceling (or collapsing) the desire to respond to the habit
triggers. At the same time, the new ex-smoker can imagine new, constructive
behavior in response to the circumstances - breathing clean crisp fresh air as
they run or walk faster, thinking of the money they are saving by no longer
having to smoke, etc. We replace the bad habits with good ones and practice the
good ones.
Being in a challenging situation
can make it much more difficult to remove a bad habit. Sometimes the habit response
is a means of coping with significant life stress, personal issues, etc. Family
strife or work difficulties can drive one to seek comforts such as smoking,
drinking, munching, etc. I often invite a client to explore the history of
their situations leading to bad habits. I ask him/her to picture the time and
circumstance of the habit. What does he/she feel and think when this occurs?
These become clues we can use to explore the emotion and response pattern. Using hypnotherapy we can explore the feelings
and the corresponding subconscious programming behind the habit. When did the
pattern originate? When did the client learn to associate this emotion and
actions to this circumstance? We can find the origin of a pattern and heal the
issues associated with it, removing the driver for that habit.
Habits are core to our life
experience. They can serve us or they can bring us grief. Using the power of
the mind, we can change the underlying patterns within the subconscious,
clearing out the undesirable responses, those actions that we, and perhaps
those around us, find annoying. In this article we have seen how to truly
change your own programming. It's not easy, but anyone can do it - using your
mind to change your mind.
